Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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