Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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