i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
