dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
