What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
