I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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