just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize