I'm eating all of the evidence.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
