and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
