be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
