Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
then he tried to convert me to islam
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
