And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
