I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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