Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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