Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
