You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
