cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
