Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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