Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
