Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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