like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
