Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
