If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she told me i tasted like america
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize