My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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