Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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