if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize