Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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