you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
