I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
