So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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