I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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