i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
