I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to calm my uterus...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
