I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
