Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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