I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
