We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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