Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
