Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
