Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
