Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize