chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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