Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
