Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
