By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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