cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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