They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
