Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
