i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
