dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
