even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
