finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize