i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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