All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
