So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
