i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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