Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
