I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
