the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
