Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
