he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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