So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
