the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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