maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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