No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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