ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
