i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
