I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
