took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
