I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
