Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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